A tale of a journey to the new world

Once upon a time, an adventurous young man chose to undertake a perilous journey across the vast cold ocean, to the lands yet unknown. Eight months of bureaucracy and several trees worth of paperwork it took, ere he finally boarded the entrails of enormous flying proboscidea of metal, which some may refer to as the Jumbo Jet. It wasn’t until then that he realised the full impact of his decision, yet he had no regrets.

Not only was the elephant moving through space, it also seemed to be travelling back in time, as the sun seemed to stand almost still in its journey over the horizon. Some twenty hours after embarking on the expedition, the vessel began moving erratically and landed. Our adventurer was flabbergasted to see signs of indigenous population. As he used to be a devoted fan of the SG-1 series, it didn’t strike him odd at all, that they all spoke fluent English.

The aborigines weren’t impressed, however, and ushered him immediately into what they called the “US Immigration” line. Spending over an hour queuing with several forms in his hand, the explorer had plenty of time to contemplate their correspondence to the Vogon race, known from the works of Douglas Adams. However, despite the strikingly similar system of administration, most natives did not exhibit other signs attributed to the Vogons.

(This photo is not from Chicago. However, it’s the most accurate I could find. The lines at O’Hare Intl. were quite longer, too.)

After being bossed around by several lesser bureaucrats, the adventurer eventually came to face a threatening specimen heavily armed with stamps and plenty of suspiciously-looking devices. The specimen was obviously highly skilled, as he could use his armaments with blistering speed, stamping several forms a second. Anxious of his fate in case he didn’t get all the forms right, our traveler stepped forward sheepishly. The specimen obviously haven’t seen his kind before, as he immediately took a photo, and asked him to submit to biometric readings. After indulging in a brief conversation, our adventurer’s confidence was much higher, for the specimen was obviously in greater fear of him than the other way around, and his questions indicated that he suffered from paranoia.

After getting through, our adventurer was mightily surprised that the first person to address him was speaking Polish. Raising his eyebrows in a condescending way, he made his way to what seemed to be a center of local population. For this purpose he used a vessel similar to train, yet moving sometimes under, and sometimes several meters above the ground. The most alien thing he experienced during the transport was a disembodied voice saying “Soliciting and gambling is prohibited on board of CTA vehicles.” Curious, he thought, those people seem to come up with banning things I can’t even think of doing.

Trying to blend in among the natives, he decided to check in at a student apartment. The specimen at the reception was much friendlier, although less skilled, than the one before, yet he took a picture of the adventurer as well, this time holding a name tag. Sleep-depraved and unable to decide whether he felt like a pop star or a prison inmate, our traveler crawled into his bed and eventually, when he sure it was already morning in his homeland, he doze off.