Sinister pink and fluffy

(This one dedicated to Mim, who commented: “I’m still waiting for the ponderings of pink and fluffy stuff.”)

After a decimating defeat in the second age, the pink fluffy menace had no choice but to flee the realms of Arda. However, recent findings suggest that another abhorrent assault is being underway, beginning, as usual, under the clever, if worn disguise of sweetness and innocence.

Trustworthy sources have reported a grand scheme of vile and deviant mastermind, his abominable majesty Fluffy the Pink III, that is soon to reach its most gruesome second stage. If successful, it would inadvertently result in unchallenged domination over this dimension. Undercover agents of unimaginable terror are are being spread around our world as we speak, posing as… you’ve guessed it, something cute, pink, and fluffy. A laptop cover!

They obviously have a sense of irony, calling this product “deadly pink”. Ingenious, that much is hard to deny. Not only is this the ideal position to observe user’s activities and behavioral patterns, the pink and fluffy invaders also intend to hijack the machines to wage cyberwar on world’s governments. Even as we speak, pink and fluffy laptops hack the Pentagon and other military mainframes, (and successfully place the blame on our communist friend, China,) while their users slumber peacefully, oblivious of the grave danger they are in.

Once the time has come for attack, their intention is to terminate unsuspecting users by first biting their hands off, and then jumping and ripping out their throat. After successful assimilation, laptop becomes a part of endoskeleton and nervous system of the atrocious, newly risen pink and fluffy ghoul. Shortly following this sinister strike, the pink and fluffy laptop lays its eggs into the user’s recently deceased body, which soon becomes a source of nutrition for its monstrous offspring.

Multiplying at an exponential rate, it is estimated that pink and fluffy abominations will triumph with their ghastly, harrowing intentions, before they reach fourth generation. So be advised, everything pink and fluffy is a mere repugnant monstrosity, plotting you a morbid fate. Annihilate it mercilessly, and with great joy, because for every single pink and fluffy thing vanquished, the world becomes a better place, no matter how futile these little victories could be… For they will not be enough.

It is too late for us to prevail now, and it indeed seems that all is lost. However, in ancient books, one faint hope remains. An age-old being of tremendous power and endless potency, that could prove an astounding asset and tip the scales of victory, if persuaded to aid our cause. We must obtain the assistance of mighty Chrono-tapír!